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La vie d'un chat

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I tire of this world.

Friday, December 4, 2009

6:33PM - Staff, Annual Review of

Periodically I feel that I must review the performance of the staff, and I must say that I remain disappointed with their overall performance.

Work Environment: The staff have repeatedly allowed disruptions to the environment, primarily in the forms of that ass Scottie and the dog. My quiet contemplation is repeatedly interrupted by attempt at herding and/or grooming. Requires Improvement.

Culinary Duties: Some improvement has been made in the past year by the addition of wet food to my daily diet. However, this progress has been undermined by adulteration with various additives that I disapprove of. Requires Improvement.

Lavatory: I find the current arrangements unsatisfactory, and therefore have ignored them. I presume the staff will take the hint. Requires Improvement.

General Work Attitude: All too often, my demands for improved service are either made light of or ignored outright. Requires Improvement.

Overall, the performance of the staff is deeply disappointing. If notable improvements are not made, I shall have to seek other help. In the meantime, they will enter a probationary period.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


They left the dog. Why did they leave the dog? They always take the dog with them.

Current mood: annoyed

Sunday, June 8, 2008


The dog is to stay. I am powerless to stop this from happening.

Current mood: gloomy

Friday, June 6, 2008

6:29PM - No dogs allowed!

The Humans brought a large dirty smelly dog into the house yesterday. I have expressed my displeasure quite forcefully, as has Scottie, but the treacherous Humans pay no attention. The dog has thrust its muzzle at my face more than once - a most unwelcome experience.

Current mood: infuriated

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


The Humans persist in forcibly dropping liquid into my eye. They have also sprinkled poison on my food. I am reduced to eating from that ass Scottie's bowl.

At least that ass Scottie is good for something. He had been trying all night to obtain the catnip hidden in the Evil Stepmother's coat. The Humans finally realized what was going on, and deigned to pour out some catnip for us. It was very pleasing, until that ass Scottie forgot himself and swiped his claw at me!

Current mood: hungry

Monday, April 7, 2008


This situation is unacceptable! My mid-morning nap was rudely interrupted when the Humans thrust me into a box and forcibly transported me to this vile-smelling place. That ass Scottie was awake, but he cravenly ran away and said nothing to warn me of the Humans' treachery. I am surrounded by turncoats: this place has several resident cats, and they are all ignoring my cries for help.

Current mood: irate

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Having come to their senses, the Humans have thought better of forcing me to participate in the allegedly scientific forced medication program. However the Evil Stepmother has taken it upon herself to inflict some other vile poison upon me. Contrary to her belief, an emulsion of tuna oil does not make poison palatable. If she thinks the subsequent treat will lull me into submission, she is sorely mistaken.

Current mood: grumpy

Thursday, January 31, 2008


Today the Humans took me to the unpleasant place where I was subjected to numerous undignified procedures. Against my will, I have been enrolled in a program involving forced medication. This is allegedly for science. I would like to point out that I signed no consent forms.

Current mood: annoyed

Saturday, June 17, 2006


I spent a very enjoyable time outdoors this afternoon, eating garden greens. The Evil Stepmother was pleased that I expelled the greens on the walkway before returning indoors, but I did not do it to please her.

That ass Scottie ventured across the street to interact with some other cats, but the Evil Stepmother rescued him before any harm could be done. He is now amusing himself by jumping up repeatedly on to the kitchen counter to look out the window.

Current mood: awake

Wednesday, May 3, 2006


After being outdoors for half an hour, that ass Scottie briefly returned indoors to vomit. He then returned outdoors.

Current mood: annoyed

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


That ass Scottie has been grounded for staying outside late last night. The Evil Stepmother was extremely worried, but I myself was not concerned. I knew he would return when he was hungry.

Current mood: content

Monday, March 13, 2006


Why does the Human vociferate so when I quest for water in the bottom of the drinking glass? If she does not wish for me to put my head in the glass to reach the water, she should keep it filled to the top so that I may lap from it in a dignified manner.

Current mood: affronted

Saturday, March 4, 2006


mayakda wants to know about "5 weird habits" of mine. While I do not consider any of my habits to be "weird", some of my habits do seem to provide much amusement to Humans.

Sometimes I like to relax in the sink. Now and then that ass Scottie keeps me company.

I also like to drink from the dripping faucet.

When a Human takes a bath, I will investigate their bath water. This provokes much shouting and waving of arms by the Human, especially if I take a sip of the water.

The bathroom also contains a soft bath mat which is very pleasurable to like upon.

Sometimes the Humans are not roused by their alarm clock. When this happens, I tap them on the shoulder to wake them up.

Current mood: contemplative

Thursday, March 2, 2006


That ass Scottie has just vomited in the living room after spending a few minutes outdoors. If this continues the Humans will never allow us outside again.

Current mood: annoyed

Monday, February 13, 2006

12:20PM - lingua franca

The Humans have purchased a manual that I think will be most useful in interpretation of my will and performance of their duties. It is entitled 'French for Cats.'

For example: "Do not put additives in my food unless you are sure that I am dying." "Ne mettez pa de medicaments dans ma nourriture a moins que vous soyez sur que je suis en train de mourir."

Current mood: approving

Saturday, February 11, 2006


It was very pleasant outdoors today.

Current mood: satisfied

Sunday, February 5, 2006


The Humans have returned after their night away. They have been talking ceaselessly about a film called La Vie d'un Chien. The film is narrated in French, which is very pleasing. But I find its theme to be totally incomprehensible. Why would one wish to be a dog? The scientist in the film would have done better to turn himself into a cat instead.

Current mood: puzzled

Sunday, January 22, 2006


That ass Scottie keeps chasing me! Clearly the few minutes he spent outdoors this morning has had an adverse effect on him.

Current mood: irate

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

10:19PM - hunger strike

The Humans refused to give me acceptable food, so I refused to eat until they did.

Current mood: displeased

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